"Old-Time Friends" | “Tampa” & “Brinski”

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend."

~ John Leonard

Tammy Lea ~ Age 1.5

I’ve said in the past, “In our lives, if we’re lucky, we’ll have all kinds of friends.  And although we appreciate them all for different reasons, there are some we come to cherish.”  Well, I’ve been lucky to have a few of those cherished friendships in my lifetime and although some last longer than others – there are just some which have been there from the very beginning.

 

Robin Adair ~ Age 2

Tammy Lea was and always will be my “first and forever” friend.  No one else can take that title away from her (or from me for that matter!) Born in two different years, yet just fifteen days apart, we were what our parents referred to as “play-pen” friends.  Loosely translated what they meant was that before Tammy and I could talk, crawl, or walk – we were “friends.”  Now that may sound odd to some and incredibly familiar to others.  However, if you fall into the latter group – you’ll understand exactly what I am talking about. Here we are in our earliest days - not only did we play together; clearly we dressed the same - even back then! (Note: This photo also lends evidence to those who still don't believe that I had RED hair until I turned three!) 

Tammy - Grade 1

As a child, the story I heard was that our families “go back” at least three generations. So, I would guesstimate sometime in the 1900’s. Our grandparents were friendly and our parents were even closer friends.  We came along in the late 1960’s - the third generation.  By that time, we had no choice.  In later years, I think we were just happy that we ended up liking each other - as if we ever had a say in the matter?!   

Robin - Grade 1

In the early days, Tammy and I lived in the same small town. However, just around the time school would start for both of us, her family moved to a more rural town about one hour away.  Now one hour is not a lot of time or miles when you can drive a car, but from that point on, we had to rely on our parents to keep us connected – and they did. We were fortunate because Tammy’s father “Tab” maintained his job even after they moved, so during the work week he commuted to and from my town.  I am not sure if this helped maintain our families’ connection, but I am thankful to this day if it did. Do you think it is a coincidence we are both wearing the color Purple in our 1st Grade school photos and looking super innocent?  I think not!  

Robin & Tammy ~ 1978

Over the years there were cookouts, birthday parties, pool parties, and other gatherings where our families would reunite to eat, drink and be merry. Our families liked to have fun and we witnessed this throughout the years as children, adolescents, and to this day as adults.  With all of those celebrations came memories, and lots of them! Looking back at family photo albums, clearly there are people who stand out – and Tammy and her family are “those people” in my family albums.  Some of the pictures are less flattering than others, some of them are just plain bad – as you can see; but they all are part of the journey of “Old Time Friends” and I would not change a thing! When I got old enough to sleep over my friend’s homes – Tammy’s house was first on my list!  Over time, it became my “second home” so to speak, and her mother “Rose” became like a second mother to me and she still is to this day.  I learned a lot from “Rosie” most of which I still incorporate into my life today! After my parents got divorced, Tammy’s father “Tab” became more like a surrogate father to me.  He would pick me up on a Friday after school when he got finished with his job, and drive me to their house for the weekend. It was really cool because he knew all the back roads in the country, so we never took the highway and had lots of time to talk. Here we are during a visit from Tam, building a pyramid of kids from the neighborhood.  I am sticking my tongue out like a complete goofball and Tam looks like she can conquer the world wearing her gigantic rimmed glasses and faux down jacket! 

As the years passed, and we became old enough to “hold our own” – independent from our parents - our true blue friendship really began to form.  We were old enough to talk on the phone and write letters.  We also kept in touch by first recording and then mailing 30-minute plastic cassette tapes to each other which chronicled our lives while we were apart.  All of this ensured we did not miss out on any juicy stories about life, school, summer camp, and of course – cute boys!  Looking back, I think it is an amazingly admirable effort of two young girls.  We could have easily just let our friendship slip to the sidelines, not put in the effort, quit too soon.  Yet, somehow we did it.  Something that is effortless now in the day and age of email, Facebook, and cell phones – keeping in touch for young people was not so easy way back then! 

"Robrinski" & "Tampa Bay" ~ 1982

Our teenage years were a blast! We finally got our driver’s licenses and our very own cars (if you want to call them that!)  Despite our newly acquired vehicles lacking looks, they certainly did the trick in making the hour drive to and from each other’s houses for various events. Our autonomy was accompanied by an increase in non-chaperoned events.  For example, there were lots of hockey games - and luckily we had Tammy’s younger brother, Charlie (a.k.a., my FIRST real crush) as an excuse to ‘semi-stalk’ the cute players!  We still laugh about the things we wore, did, and said back then.  At the time, you think you are the coolest, but truth be told, you are NOT very cool at all!  We survived our first loves, first broken hearts, many formal dances and proms, that horrible ‘Jordache’ jeans and ‘Members Only’ jackets phase, along with several BAD hair cuts (not to mention VERY bad perms!) and sunning ourselves to no end at Tammy's backyard pool. This is me and Tam circa 1982.  Who knows what we were thinking, me with my Painter's pants and "new" bangs!  Oh, and both of us with our Izod Lacoste shirt collars turned up and Tam's Jordache Jeans, I believe they had pink pinstripes. Hey, layered dressing was in fashion in the 1980's! I think we both look full of teen angst - and appropriately so!  Well, at least Tam's eyeglass frames were getting smaller and contacts were just around the corner! 

During adolescence, I vividly recall over-applying Roses’ assortment of AVON make up in one bathroom shared by three teenage girls (thankfully, it was a large bathroom!)  As we applied our ghastly Blue eye shadow and curled our ‘feathered’ hair (yuck) Tammy said she dreamed of having my Hazel eye color, and I told her that I was envious of her Brown eyes.  I said reassuringly, “Maybe someday we can switch!”  This was LONG before colored contacts came along, but at least our little ‘someday dream’ was realized years later.  By the way, I look horrible with Brown eyes!  As you can imagine, I can’t list everything we did (or survived) during our teenage years in one paragraph but if you are or have been a teen, you get it.  Besides, our mother’s may read this and we still want to preserve some of our lifetime secrets!  J 

Rob & Tam ~ 1991

Our 20’s proved to be even more eventful.  Our first real jobs, college, grown-up relationships, going out dancing at clubs, and getting our own apartments! Throughout this time, our friendship persevered and there were a lot of parties, more adventures, and more fun!  By this time, Tam had met my other friends and I had met hers.  For the most part, we all got along, but we made it known we were “Old-Time Friends” and no one could squash that! We were finally living the life of independence and it sure was sweet! Oh, and least I forget, somewhere along this time my hair got lighter, and lighter, and lighter. I recall the first time in our 20's when I went to one of Tam's infamous Halloween parties as Vanna White. Later, when I changed to a Reddish Brown color she said - "Don't you EVER do that again!" LOL!  Well, as you read on, you will see that I didn't listen to her; but great friends can amicably 'agree to disagree' on things and that is what makes them a true friend! This is me and Tam at one of her infamous parties in the early 1990's before she moved out of state.  These parties were so much fun, all different groups of friends from five (I mean four) roommates combined in one house! LOL! Nothing has ever compared to those days gone by! 

Tammy & Robin ~ 2000

During our 30’s there were more memories to be made, but life in general seemed to be becoming more serious. Sadly, Tammy’s father Tab lost his lengthy and courageous battle with Alzheimer’s disease during this time. I will always remember his kindness, funny stories, and great big belly laugh! This was a tremendous loss for our families, and sadly - things would never really be the same again.  For Tammy, there was a move down South, a new career, marriage, and eventually children. When Tammy moved out of state we had a natural disconnect.  It was understandable, I was busy with my life and she was busy with hers.  I was working full-time, in a long-term relationship, and had also started graduate school full-time.  Wow, where did the time go?  How had our lives become so busy, and so distant – all at once?  It was not like Tam and I had forgotten each other or our friendship, we had just taken different paths – no harm, no foul. This is from when Tammy came home for a visit with her first-born son; he was so sweet then and still is today!  This would also be the last picture taken of us for 10+ years - until we had our first reunion down South!  I'm glad I was able to dig up at least one picture of us from our 30's!      

"Brinsk" & "Tampa" ~ 2011

Then, during our early 40’s, something unexpected happened, and things shifted once again. Tammy moved, this time, with her husband and two young sons (the oldest I had seen only once when he was an infant, and the youngest, I had sadly never met!) After reading this, it might be difficult to imagine that we had drifted apart for a while.  However, thankfully, as fate would have it I moved too! We then found ourselves living only one state apart! I truly cannot explain just how wonderful is has been to “reconnect” with Tammy and to share our memories with her two sweet boys – both “tweens.” And although we can’t share everything we have done over 40+ years of friendship with them, we sure do laugh a lot when we reminisce (and they just look at us all funny!) This is me and Tammy at our first real reunion since our 30's - It had been over ten years since we had seen one another - if you can believe it?! What a GREAT day!  

Tam and my other fam! ~ Summer 2011

We have had three visits in the past year, all of which have been a blast! I have loved seeing Tammy again, and getting to know her husband, and two sons. Recently, before a weekend visit, the boys asked if she and I were family or “just friends.” Tammy did her best to explain the strength of the ties of three generations of our families and through this history we had become “family.” Hopefully, we can move into a fourth generation if we can only get my fifteen year old kitty “Dusty” (I mean “ROO”) to bond with Tammy’s boys. Yeah, right - HISS! LOL! See, the new inside jokes continue to evolve! This is Tam, Ryan Jr., Me, Terry John, Rose, and "Queenie" during our trip to Atlantic Station.  [Thanks to min kärlek for taking such a great picture!] 

Tammy and I have memories that have lasted our lifetime. Inside jokes that no one else gets (OK, except maybe “Queenie” um, I mean Wendi!) See what I mean? It’s the little things like that silly nickname that only a few folks can appreciate and would quickly have us rolling on the floor! That said I know there are other people out there who have friendships similar to mine and Tammy’s. The two of us can laugh for hours on end about something that happened twenty or thirty years ago – silly things which have no meaning to anyone but us!  For example just a few of the thousands of memories; Buy The EAGLE, holding our breaths driving by the cemetery, Foamies, ‘Nancy Drew’, TAMPA BAY & ROBRINSKI, banging pots and pans on New Year’s Eve, flying rabbits, BOK BOK, Tabster and the drawer, pictures of ‘Queenie’ in the window, getting stuck in that snow bank, swimming at the lake, skating for one reason only, and of course – we can’t leave out the ultimate - TORPEDOES!  J

It is now 2012 and amazingly, we are twice the age our parents were when we first met!  Although much time has passed and our families have changed and grown, the fact remains that “Tampa” and “Brinski” still are, and always will be “first and forever” friends. Not only is she my oldest longstanding friend, she is also my "sister." Whether she realizes it or not, throughout my life, Tammy has been an inspiration to me in many ways. She is smart, successful, beautiful (inside and out) and she has a fabulous personality.  She also inherited that great big belly laugh from her father (which I still love to hear!) She is a committed wife and a fantastic mother! If I had a choice, I would choose her all over again to be my "Old Time Friend." Oh, and for the record and the sake of generations to follow we have concluded; YES we are family, not by birth, but by choice. We are both thankful for the earliest of bonds between two little “play-pen” mates Tammy Lea and Robin Adair.

Tammy Lea & Robin Adair ~ April 2012

Food for thought: Do you have an "Old Time Friend" who is more like family?  How has your friendship evolved over time? What makes your story unique? How does he/she inspire you? Thanks in advance for sharing your words of wisdom in the comments section below!

Inspiringly yours,

~ Robin Adair

www.robinadairlifecoaching.com

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